Our final in TBS’ heartbreak series sees Hailee Walker talk to transformational therapist Teymara Antonio-Wright about moving on from heartbreak and changing behaviours for better and healthier future relationships.
When relationships end, people are often left feeling off course. The question “where to from here?” can play on repeat in their minds and cause them to feel hopeless. Answers to such questions can be elusive and the search for help, hope and guidance can leave people feeling like they are treading water rather than making progress in healing from their heartbreak.
When heartbreak strikes, transformational therapists such as Teymara Antonio-Wright may hold answers to helping people heal and find their way once again. Teymara is one of the best in her field and her expertise is highly sought-after by some of the biggest names in Hollywood. Teymara takes a holistic approach to working with her clients and has had excellent success in helping to heal her clients’ broken hearts.
When I interviewed Teymara she explained what is happening on a subconscious level during a breakup and how we can truly let go and move on from heartbreak.
What is the technique you use to help with disrupting negative thought patterns that come with relationship breakups?
The technique used to deal with any form of trauma (and in my experience relationship breakups are handled at a subconscious and emotional level the same as a trauma) is taken from many modalities including clinical hypnosis. I apply what approach is appropriate for my client with aspects gleaned from my different qualifications, e.g., Dip. Clinical Hypnosis; Dip. Clinical Nutrition; Neuro-Linguistic Programming; Hawaiian huna etc. As human beings consist of parts creating the whole, I also apply my knowledge gleaned through my values studies plus Cert 1V Counselling and Conflict Resolution qualifications.
When one hasn’t disconnected negative neurological pathways, addiction in whatever form can create dysfunctional behaviours. My technique deals with emotional makeup formed in childhood.
What is it about your technique that heightens a person’s focus and concentration, and how is this beneficial in working through emotional hurt that comes with relationship breakups?
Whatever emotional reaction an individual experiences caused from a breakup depends on their level of awareness – whether they saw it coming or were totally sideswiped. With the first group, the process and time factor required to disconnect and heal the negative is minimal, however, when one is sideswiped the shock is registered with a lot of unresolved emotions and held at all levels, emotionally, mentally, physically as one is affected by a trauma. As we are all individuals, I apply my areas of expertise to create a personal approach as not one person processes the breakup of a relationship in the same way.
Your work is quite well known for its applications in helping to stop addictive behaviours. Do you use the same techniques to help clients through the addictive thoughts of their ex after a break up?
When one hasn’t made peace and disconnected negative neurological pathways created in their formative years then addiction in whatever form can run rife to the point of creating dysfunctional behaviours. My technique works as it deals with the individual’s emotional makeup formed in childhood. For example, if an individual didn’t experience the love in childhood necessary to create an emotionally balanced adult or was constantly rejected then they will be addicted to the need to be loved, or, will create behaviours leading to rejection as being on one’s own is safer than being in a relationship. It is a complicated issue as everyone is an individual who has been affected in different ways in their formative years.
We are often aware of what we are feeling on a conscious level during a relationship breakup, but what is going on at the subconscious level? And how can your technique help an individual deal with that?
Every individual has their unique emotional blueprint formed in early childhood based on experiences regarding events happening in their reality. The greatest impact is formed from the events experienced from birth until age five (it's during that period of time a child is walking around on the planet in basically an unconscious state). Age six to ten is when the conscious logic starts to develop. So, in the majority of cases the reaction to the breakup has nothing to do with the present situation, it’s just triggering something held deep within the individual. If one was healed of that negative neurological pathway prior to experiencing the breakup then the individual would handle the situation in a totally different way.
It is often thought beneficial to have a period of no contact with your ex after a breakup. What is your opinion on this and have you found it helps or hinders your clients?
Great question. As everyone is an individual, the answer to that isn’t a clear cut one. I find until one is totally healed emotionally from the trauma of the breakup they can function in a delusional state. My work is all about creating the subconscious learning from the events, disconnecting the negative neurological pathways and creating the positive.
If the relationship has been a together/apart/together/apart dynamic, a lot of the time the individuals are more than happy just to walk away with no contact. It all depends on how emotionally dysfunctional they are!
Have you ever had clients that are so damaged by their heartbreak that they never truly move on or are irreparable?
No. Everyone has the ability to be healed, however, they have to want to be. Many just won’t let go. I find it challenging to work with anyone who wants to remain a victim, to have someone rescue them or who want to persecute the other person(s). I come from the position of asking my clients how the situation happened instead of allowing them to wallow in the why's. If an individual is filled with resentment which they are not willing to let go of then my work with them becomes challenging thus creating longer for the healing to take place. If one is willing to take 50 percent responsibility and move away from blame then they are in a great space to create the healing required to move on.
In your years of experience, what is the one trait you see in people that helps them to truly let go and move on from heartbreak?
As soon as I’m able to connect the individual to the learning, they disconnect the negative neurological pathways and learn to take responsibility, they experience an inner freedom and peace that allows them to move on and hopefully thank the other person, as everything and everyone we experience in life happens for a reason.
I will close with my relationship mantra:
“No one makes us feel negative or positive emotions, we do. If we are willing to do the work to heal the negative then whatever another says or does doesn’t affect us.”
– Copyright TeymaraInc, 2016
When trying to navigate your way through the emotional minefields of a breakup it is important to remember that it is normal that you may feel distressed at this time. If you are having a difficult time dealing with these emotions and thought patterns please see your GP or a mental health professional. If in Australia, you can call Lifeline 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636.
Originally published on The Big Smoke