In part three of TBS’ 5-part series exploring heartbreak, relationship counsellor Hailee Walker speaks to psychic Pam Bradbury about healing, acceptance and moving on from a relationship breakup.
When our relationships come to an end, often there are questions that we feel need answering. Sometimes people feel completely stuck and have no idea of how to begin to heal and let go of the hopes and dreams that they once held in their relationships.
Some people find comfort and answers in confiding in friends and family. Some seek out the help of their GP or mental health professional. For others, the answers lie in the invisible. In a place that is not accessible to those without a gift – a gift which, many of clients would say, allows them to predict the future.
Can psychics really help people find answers and heal from the pain of a breakup? Can addressing spiritual needs help resolve mental and emotional needs? I asked one of Sydney’s top psychics and mediums about her experience with clients who come to her seeking help after a breakup.
Pam Bradbury has worked with her powerful psychic gift for over 30 years and her clients include the who’s who of Sydney’s elite.
What is the most common question you receive from someone who is seeking you out after a breakup or heartbreak?
It really depends on how the relationship actually ended and which partner left or ended the commitment. The most common questions are “Did he/she actually love me?”, “Was the guy/girl for real?”, “Why did this happen?”
In your experience, when someone comes to you for a session, what is the biggest mistake they make when trying to get answers or closure in regards to heartbreak?
The biggest mistake people make is not looking at what their role in the relationship was all about; not realising their place and actions, and thinking it was all the other person’s fault. So, not taking responsibility for their own attitudes and actions; living in fantasy land whilst in the relationship and not facing the fact on occasion that it actually was not a sustainable relationship in the first place.
There is a point where releasing them from the memory and pain is discussed. It comes back to perspective. Facing the truth is hard but once reality is accepted and placed within the context of that chapter of life…then life begins a new cycle.
When you try to do a reading, or connect with someone, what is the emotion or spiritual feeling that enters the space of that person when heartbroken?
The strongest feeling is one of hopelessness and desolation. Being alone and having to start all over again, and the thought of loneliness. A sense of losing their best friend.
Through the experiences you have had with all the different people who have worked with you on trying to get through a “stuck” stage in their lives, what is the one consistent pattern you see – either negative or positive?
The most important aspect or pattern is needing an ongoing support person that they can talk to, to sort out their inner feelings and constant nagging thoughts on how to get the partner back. There is definitely a lack of personal confidence and a feeling of total loss of control of emotions. The biggest question of all is “Why?”. Then obviously trying to resolve the why…wanting answers when there just is not one. “He is not into you that much anymore…” Once the person has reached acceptance, they can then move on. This can take months and a huge loss of confidence comes in this space too.
We often hear about people doing no contact after a breakup for the purposes of getting the person back, or getting over them; but in your experience what is the real emotional work that needs to happen to truly move on?
This is a hard one as there is no quick solution. It is all about time and filling your day/week with activities and gatherings having contact with different people. It comes back to acceptance. Often I see a new relationship in the future. This can be a distraction but not what the person wants to hear at that time. They just want to win, at all costs. Or return to what was. Change is hard and it takes enormous amount of awareness to accept…this is life and the journey has to continue.
Do you find people prolong their breakup pain due to attachments, and if so, how do you see your role in helping them break that attachment?
There is a point in the conversation where releasing them from the memory and pain is discussed. It comes back to perspective and the amount of emotional damage that has occurred in the breakup. Being abandoned and lied to are the two top aspects to resolve. Often, facing the truth is hard but once faced – and again, accepted – then life can bring happiness again. To be in love and loved are the primary human conditions. Without an area in your life where this is fulfilled is empty. In the conversation it is important to identify who else in life loves them and who else is there for them. Once the reality is accepted and placed within the context of that time or year, or chapter of life…then life begins a new cycle.
After watching people come together in this life and then be pulled apart, for whatever reason – either breakups, betrayals, death – what is the one thought you wish people would hold onto when they feel stuck?
This really is a hard one as each story is so different. It is so individual and it all depends on the perspective of each person. The greatest hardship is separation. Especially in death. This is the greatest of heartbreak as there is no hope. The loss of a loved one through death is the hardest of all to overcome. Really the only answer is to hold onto life by your finger tips until you can live again…come back to life and be engaged into something new – either a new relationship, lifestyle or place within your self.
The human condition to belong, be loved and included in any other person’s life is the single most important part of the living experience. There is only love in life, really – every other part of our life functions once we know and touch love.
Learning to love yourself and be present to your own inner world and love being alone with yourself is the greatest gift of all. It is a miracle just to be alive. We so often miss this concept in our race to feel love externally from another person…when actually, love from within needs to be addressed first.
When trying to navigate your way through the emotional minefields of a breakup it is important to remember that it is normal that you may feel distressed at this time. If you are having a difficult time dealing with these emotions and thought patterns please see your GP or a mental health professional. If in Australia, you can call Lifeline 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636.